Why do we celebrate people doing mediocre things that they should have done years ago?
Is it a kind of, “Well, you finally got over that great big obstacle preventing you from living life like an average responsible person, namely yourself, so let’s get dinner on me!” thing?
Have you ever seen that episode of Daria called “Quinn the Brain”? Basically, Quinn is failing English and then is forced to write a paper which is given a rather undeserved A and read aloud to the class, then for some asinine reason, everything thinks she is really smart. Daria, who writes consistently good papers, is then forced to talk to Quinn as a sort of mentor, which is completely unnecessary and uncalled for.
I don’t know. I guess I get annoyed when people brag about this kind of stuff incessantly and feel the need to advertise it to every person they come across. It’s like watching a small dog in a parking lot barking at each passerby, even though no one has any interest in disturbing it.
Update: Apparently, we are celebrating not the deed, but the step towards a more healthy, responsible life. I think I can live with that. Although, the Daria episode still kind of bothers me, haha.
I believe I have a big problem with rude people and attention seekers, stemming back the the event of my sixth year birthday party, that I have such an unreasonable and ingrained intolerance of anything that seems remotely such. It’s so bad that that show inspired a blog entry, I’m often annoyed when making purchases, and possess a mild form of road rage.
I just wanted to let you Hot Topic kids with the horizontal striped tights know that, while you probably don’t care, they make your legs look fat.
That’s just kind of what horizontal stripes do to people.
So when you’re out in public thinking people are giving you dirty looks because you are just so damn different and unique, they are probably in all reality just looking at your legs with a sense of wonder and amazement.
Your stumps of seemingly beastly proportions.
So, it’s my friend Miranda’s birthday today! Some friends and I chipped in (although it was mostly Brianna) and she is now the proud owner of a beach themed hookah, which if you know her, is absolutely perfect.
That got me thinking, though, why does a new hookah smoke so much better than an older model?
With a bit of investigation, I have found the answer!
1. Hookahs need to be cleaned. Duh. While I have always known this, I will admit, I have not given my hookah the love and care it needs, but fear not, if you’re in the same boat, there are things you can do.
A. Invest in a hookah cleaning brush, a carton of baking soda, lemon juice (or vinegar, lemon juice smells better, but I used vinegar because it was what I had on hand), or if you want to spend some money, I’ve heard good things about Bling, a cleaner designed for hookahs.
B. For a general cleaning, always use hot water and simply swish a little baking soda water down the stem and in the base. Use your brush to give both a good cleaning. FYI, in case you were wondering, I used to swear by sea salt to clean the residue off of my vase, but found it to be a bit too abrasive and the design on the inside scratched off a bit. Better safe than sorry.
C. Once a month, it is recommended to give your hookah a super thorough cleaning. Some people swear by soaking their hookahs in their bathtubs overnight in the baking soda/lemon juice/vinegar solution prior to scrubbing. While that’s fine, I’d use the opportunity to clean the bits and pieces that you don’t necessarily clean as often as you should. Soak your grommets, blow out your hose (NEVER run water through it, as most hoses are not washable and will rust. If you have a washable hose, more power to you.), make sure the plate, the ball bearing (I don’t actually know what it’s called, honestly), bowl, and other parts are soaking as well.
D. A brief list of don’ts. Don’t ever clean your hookah with bleach or strong chemical cleaners, don’t forget to let it dry properly before use, don’t ever put it in the dishwasher
2. I never knew this until recently, but hoses do need replaced. I’ve had my purple haze hookah for about two years, perhaps more, and I’ve never changed the hose. It still smokes fairly decently, better than most hookah bars around here (I say this not out of pride, rather, the bars I’ve been to clearly don’t clean their hookahs as often as they should), but can never surpass a new hose. As for how often, this seems to be personal preference. Some people change theirs once month, others change far less often, but keep separate hoses for different kinds of flavors.
Well, there’s my nerd out session for you. I would’ve posted something on Facebook, some dumb status, but didn’t want to sound like an overexcited douche. At least you went out of your way to stumble across this, haha.
UPDATE: Finished cleaning my hookah in the baking soda/vinegar soak and bought a new Mya washable hose. The hookah really does smoke like new again. I tested it out with my h-thing, Mike, and we smoked Fantasia’s Dragon Breath. The smoke came out in huge, creamy (yes, creamy!) clouds and was a million times better than the previous, dirty set up.
Oh, and it should be mentioned that I lost my hookah brush in the move, so I guess I wasn’t super thorough. My cleaning water did end up a rather unattractive shade of gray, so it definitely did something, haha.
AND BE SURE TO PROPERLY MIX YOUR BAKING SODA IN THE WATER. I did not do this and it created a difficult to remove residue on some of the parts. I was planning on giving everything a a good rinse and scrub anyway (gross gray water + my mouth = eww), so it wasn’t a big deal, but some powder is still caught in the more intricate etchings on the vase.
Hi, as some of you are aware, I work in grocery. It is not the worst job I have ever had in my life, but it certainly is not pleasant. Why? Could it be the hours, the management, or perhaps the wondrous fluorescent lighting, which makes all who enter resemble the second stage of crack addiction? No. The answer is actually quite simple. The reason my job sucks is you.
“But why?” you may have the gall to ask, “I am the reason you have employment in the first place. When I was your age, we had to deal with a lot worse. We were blown up in coal mines and shipped off to ‘nam. Little Becky Plinkett lost a finger operating an electric sewing machine at the tender age of twelve…”
To put it quite simply, an overwhelming percentage of the population is just rude. Some of you may not even be aware of it. That is probably because you are self-entitled and demanding. Fear not, my friend! I am here for you! On behalf of all retail employees everywhere, I shall make it my mission to help you out on the journey to becoming a decent human being.
How to know if this series is right for you:
- Do you ever ignore people intentionally?
- Do you have three or less close friends?
- Do you spend a ridiculous amount of money on canned dog/cat food?
- Do you have children?
- Are you thinking about having children?
- Have you ever been told that you disregard other people’s feelings?
- Will you do anything to get to the “top”?
- Are you on WIC or foodstamps? (There is no shame in this, in fact, my own family was on it for a while, but there are ways to make this process easier on everybody)
- Do you have trouble operating the card readers?
- Do you buy as large quantity of product at once?
- Has anyone ever called you a douche?
These questions just cover the tip of the proverbial iceberg. If you answered yes to any of them, read on. I will do my best to provide much needed help and support.
I will try to update every week with tidbits and answers to all of your questions. :)
You’re talking about your high cholesterol
And that’s something I can’t explain
I’ve been breathing for a while now
But all I see is rain
Tell me a million different reasons why
I can’t complain
You’ll never go far from Columbus
Stay here for college and you’ll never leave
Should’ve gotten out when they told us
But I guess that’s it for me
You creep before you crawl
Before it all sinks in
This is the city I never loved
With Budweiser towers and grey smog
Whipping wind through wet hair
And a heavy layer of smug
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can’t even finish it. I had that coffee and cannot sleep at all and I have a million different ideas for songs, some of which I’m sure are kind of dumb, but for some reason right now I am convinced are really great.
The lyrics to this one will probably all change tomorrow.
The guitar melody will change tomorrow.
It won’t even exist tomorrow.
Or should I say today.
:(
If you come through my line at the grocery store with a ton of produce, it is not helpful at all to quote lists of prices at me. For starters, depending on your tone, I assume you are an impatient twit, secondly, I’ve got to get the damn PLU to even ring the thing up.
Chill your fucking boner.
P.S. I am still alive and I am getting married! Yay!
My boyfriend and I came up with a list of animals corresponding to the alphabet.
Analconda
Badonkadonk Bear
Carnal Cat
Dangle Dippin’ Dingo
Erect Elk
Frisky ferret/fellating fish
Gallivanting gargoyle
Horny Hornet
Incestuous Iguana
Jackoffalope
Kinky Karp (Er, I don’t remember the original/Pokemon’s spelling rubbed off on me)
Lusty Lion
Molesting Mollusk
Naughty Narwhale
Open to Suggestions Ostrich
Promiscuous Penguin
Q-?
Randy Rhino
Sensual Seal/sexy sloth
Tempting Tortoise
Undulating Unicorn
Well-endowed walrus
X-?
Zealous Zebra
Sometimes it’s better to just not ask.
Not the most edifying list, but it killed about fifteen minutes of time.
In no particular order
The Future Kings of Nowhere - Self-titled
Defiance, Ohio - The Fear, the Fear, the Fear
Saintseneca - Last
Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocrypha
Frank Turner - Love Ire & Song
P.S. Eliot - Introverted Romance
Punkin Pie - Broke Truck Good Luck
Taylor Swift - Speak Now
Reel Big Fish - Cheer Up
The Future Kings of Nowhere - solo demos
